Broken and Beautiful

"He heals the broken hearted and he binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

2019 was an incredible year of loss for my family. We lost 2 dearly loved ones very fast. My brother in law. Mike in February and my nephew, Brad in June. Both were leaders, greatly looked up to in our family circle. Both of whom were like brothers to me.

Mike came into our family when I was a tender and timid 5 year old girl. Brad was born when I was only 9 years old and lived with us for the first 5 years of his life. Mike was my big brother. He loved me like I was his very own little sister. He protected me at times and challenged me at other times. When I got lost in sin, he called me out. When my heart broke with pain, he listened and understood. Brad was my little brother and little buddy, even though he towered over me most of my life! Together, he and I grew up on Otter Lake Road in fields of green. I adored him and probably smothered him to pieces. He looked up to me like a big sister, yet I felt protected by my little buddy and he always had my back.

The fact that they passed so soon and within 4 months of each other is still unreal to me. The pain cut so deep, it is almost indescribable. For those who have lost someone this close, you know it.

As I worked through my grief and tried to make sense of it all, my pen and keyboard became my chosen therapy tools. I wrote and I wrestled. I wrestled with all of these feelings and a sense of numbness at the same time. I questioned God, my faith and I even wondered, Why am I even here? What is it all for?

I wept, cried, and felt my heart sink to its deepest depths. Yet, there were heaven sent moments, like finding diamonds amongst the rubble after a storm. Moments that felt like the curtain between heaven and earth was ripped open to expose a glimpse of heaven's glory. The light seeped through and filed my heart with hope and strength to go on.

The words that come to mind are, Broken and Beautiful. The ravages of grief bear down and break open our hearts to pour tears from our eyes that purify our souls. Sin gets washed away. We become broken and beautiful in the process. Where there is brokenness, there is beauty not of this world. Sin runs wildly from hearts that weep. Sin and sorrow cannot abide together. When sin is far, God is near. Blessed are the broken.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:3-4

As you are broken, sin loosens it's grip and God's love shines bright. The presence of God is the beauty that shines out. There is peace that passes understanding and it is well with your soul.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Life is different now. I look past this world more and more. I see each day as a precious gift. Each moment, each breath; my eyes search for hints of heaven. They are all around us if we pay close attention. My longing for the things of this earth fades as my longing for heaven increases.

We are all on the journey toward home. Together we get battered and beaten by the winds of grief along the way. Together we love, hold each other tight, and walk the path.....broken and beautiful.

Prayer

Hold us, Father. Carry us through the waves of grief. Our hearts ache at times because we can't see the road ahead. The world is dark and frightening. Evil lurks. Death threatens. It can feel hopeless sometimes. Our eyes can't see beyond this world. We can't see the beauty and the abundance of what lies beyond all this darkness. We can only see it with our soul eyes. Father, I ask boldly that you would open our soul eyes more and more to see the beauty of Your kingdom and all that is to come. Help us to live with an eternal perspective now and fill our minds with the hope of heaven each day. In Jesus Name